CNN reports, Gillian Gibbons, a British school teacher working in Sudan, has been charged under Article 125 of Sudan’s constitution with offending religion and inciting hatred.

As part of a class project, Gibbons asked her students to pick their favorite name for a teddy bear, the new class mascot.  They chose the name Mohammed.

Within the Islamic faith, it is considered highly offensive to depict likenesses of Allah and the Prophet Mohammed.

Foreign Secretary David Miliband called Gibbons’ actions an “innocent misunderstanding,” but evidence suggests otherwise as it is believed Gibbons named the class goldfish Buddha, and that students may not use the bathroom without the Jesus Christ hall pass.

Gibbons could receive a hefty fine, up to a year in prison, or as many as 40 lashings.

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NBC’s “Last Call with Carson Daly” will resume production this week defying the Writers Guild of America strike.

The West branch of the Guild said in a statement, “We’re especially appalled at Mr. Daly’s call for non-Guild writers to provide him with jokes.”

This should come as no surprise however, as anyone who’s ever seen the show fully well knows, Daly has never delivered a funny joke a clear sign that he has never used Guild writers for material.

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Drew Peterson, the husband of Stacy Peterson and lead suspect in her recent disappearance, turned the cameras on the media giving them a taste of their own medicine.

While shoving his own camera in the faces of reporters, Peterson called them out on violations of trespassing.

One reporter said, “I get what he’s doing and why he’s doing it, but it’s not helping.  He’s only drawing more attention to himself.  It really just makes him looks like a total douche.”

This comes as a risky move for Peterson, for if the media were to give him a taste of his own medicine, he would likely find it tastes a lot like murder.

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Doctors shocked Vice President Dick Cheney’s irregularly beating heart Monday to restore its normal rhythm.

It is believed the singing of holiday music triggered the irregularity. Doctors warned that without preventative shock therapy, Cheney’s heart could have grown by as much as three times the size that day.

While not immediately life threatening, if that were to happen, most experts agree Cheney would be likely to return that which he is responsible for taking – something for which the US military cannot afford in the War on Terror.

Cheney is expected to return to work today but from the safety of a soundproof Grinch-like cave.

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Senator Edward Kennedy has tentatively scheduled his memoirs to come out in 2010 with the Hatchette Book Group USA.

Unconfirmed reports indicate Kennedy’s memoirs will be published as a two-in-one hardcover/beer cozy.

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Soldiers manning a checkpoint near Baghdad apprehended two known terrorists Monday, one of whom was wearing a wedding dress.

The soldiers manning the checkpoint suspected foul play when they noticed the ‘bride’ had more facial hair than the groom.

Radical Jihadists are calling the event an isolated case of hazing that shouldn’t reflect upon the entire terrorist organization.  “These are the actions of only a few men,” said one extremist, “we in no way endorse what occurred today.”

This may not be the case though.  The Central Intelligence Agency acknowledged unsubstantiated reports of similar cases that have funneled in since the beginning of the US led invasion.

In what the CIA is calling the Alpha Lambda Qaeda hazing incident, they liken the ritual to that of an American college fraternity

It is believed Haider al-Bahadli, the man in the wedding dress, was victim to other forms of hazing prior to this incident including blindfolded wall squats, intense yelling, and other forms of physical and psychological abuse.

“I had no problem blowing myself up in the name oh Allah.  But to have to pick up a ping pong ball with my butt cheeks first, I just couldn’t go for that,” said one former terrorist who pledged a similar ‘fraternity.’

This case is expected to encourage other terrorists who’ve suffered from similar instances of hazing to come forward.

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A recent poll reveals voters favor candidate Barack Obama’s candid talk about his past experimentation with drugs.

When asked whether or not he ever inhaled marijuana, Obama responded, “Yes… that was the point.”

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The Associated Press reports out of Green Bay, Wisconsin that 96,000 pounds of ground beef have voluntarily been recalled.

Wisconsinites everywhere are mourning the loss of what they are calling the most delicious tragedy in the past decade.

When reached for comment, Milton Hill of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin was left speechless as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

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The 2002 No Child Left Behind act was designed to hold every public school to certain standards ensuring that the American education system remains among the best in the world.

Each year, more and more schools aren’t measuring up, and it appears ‘stupid’ children are to blame.

The No Child Left Behind act ties federal funding to standardized test results, and since many students in high-needs schools fail to meet the minimum requirements, the schools have suffered serious budget cuts.

Experts say these ‘stupid’ children are holding the rest of the ‘normal’ children back from reaching their full potential. 

“If it wasn’t for the dumb kids in my class, we could afford new text books for the regular students,” said one teacher from a high-needs school district that asked to remain nameless.  “How are we supposed to teach social studies when our books say the US only has 49 states?” she added.

What little funding high-needs schools receive must go to the ‘stupid’ children in the hope that they might become slightly less stupid and stop ruining the test scores for everyone else.  This creates a vicious cycle, though, as each year the ‘normal’ kids become stupider due to the lack of funds.

Presidential candidate Barack Obama recently laid out an $18 billion education plan that would no longer tie federal funding to test scores, and even the ‘stupid’ children agree that just makes sense.

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A Canadian cruise ship struck ice off Antarctica puncturing a fist sized hole in the hull.

Responding to the sinking ship’s distress signal, a Norwegian liner rescued all 154 passengers and crew.

What’s more surprising than the accident itself, is the fact that 154 people were actually willing to take a cruise to Antarctica - the least inhabitable place on earth.  Early reports suggest that with the success of last year’s documentary, March of the Penguins, Antarctica’s tourism industry has more than quadrupled.

But travel agents warn, “Antarctica is not a family friendly destination.  It’s cold, you probably won’t actually get to see a penguin, and apparently there’s a good possibility your boat will sink.”

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